80 Things The Weasley Twins Are Not Allowed To Do
by Marauders-And-Lily-I-Love
Summary: The Weasley twins' mum writes a list. 66 Introduce Professor Trelawney to fortune cookies... 67 ...and bewitch every fortune to say ‘beware the bunny in the neon pink tutu... 68 ...and then dress up as two bunnies in neon pink tutus. Read and Review!


**_I know that this has been done _loads _of times, but I wanted to do one of my own :)_  
_I hope you enjoy this!  
Please, please, review! :)_**

**80 Things Fred And George Weasley Are Not Allowed To Do**  
_by Molly Weasley, mother of the worst troublemakers in Hogwarts/the wizarding world/the whole world._

1) Ask Flitwick if there is a charm to remove clothes.

2) Yell 'Furball!' every time McGonagall coughs.

3) Put bright pink frilly bows in Lee Jordan's hair.

4) Put Lee's tarantula in Ron's bed.

5) Actually blow up a Hogwarts toilet seat.

6) Charm Filch's pants to fall down every thirty seconds...

7) ... and turn his underwear into a bright orange thong.

8) Shave Mrs Norris bald...

9) ... and then claim that they were doing her a favour.

10) Send Dolores Umbridge thousands of models of Centaurs.

11) Interbreed a dragon and a cat...

12) ... no matter how wicked the results may be.

13) Publicly investigate just how slowly they can make a 'croaking' noise.

14) Hide dairy products in inaccessible places...

15) ...such as their underwear drawer...

16) ...or on the roof.

17) Paint the house elves blue.

18) Brandish a fork and yell 'Death be upon you!' when threatened.

19) Tell everyone that Snape is Voldemort's illegitimate child...

20) ...and then claim that Snape's mother is in fact _male_... (even though that is biologically impossible...)

21) ...and that therefore, Voldemort is gay.

22) Tell Snape to schedule a hair cut for the Dark Lord.

23) Tell the ministry that Draco Malfoy is a ferret Animagus.

24) Wear capes that say 'Magnificent one' on them.

25) Psycho analyse Professor Snape...

26) ...and announce to the school that Snape is _not _depressed...

27) ...but that he is sex-deprived and does not have an appropriate release.

28) Claim that they are mutated goats.

29) Use the Marauders Map to stalk first years.

30) Attempt to eat Mrs Norris...

31) ...or Trevor...

32) ...or Scabbers...

33) ...or Hedwig.

34) Feed Crookshanks to Aragog.

35) Tell first years that what they are eating is really fried owl.

36) Swap Gilderoy Lockheart's shampoo with blue food colouring.

37) Strip in Hogsmeade...

38) ...and tell people that they are part of the orgy that meets up every weekend in the Shrieking Shack.

39) Pour mouthwash in Dumbledore's pumpkin juice at breakfast.

40) Tell everyone that Professor Lupin has rabies.

41) Shave off their eyebrows...

42) ...draw a unicorn on their foreheads....

43) ...and when someone asks why there is a unicorn on their heads, reply by asking them why there is a duck on theirs.

44) Loudly and publicly, thank Professor Dumbledore for 'that amazing, sensual massage last night'.

45) Attempt to French plait Dumbledore's beard and hair.

46) Point at random people and burst into laughter.

47) Ask people what gender they are.

48) Bring two puppies to breakfast and then claim that they are Professor Lupin's cubs.

49) Pretend they are deaf/blind/mute.

50) Throw stones at passing teachers.

51) Give Umbridge a toad for Christmas.

52) Tell everyone that they are descended from Merlin.

53) Bark like a dog whenever someone says the word 'the'.

54) Throw Dumbledore's lemon drops out of a window.

55) Shave off Dumbledore's beard and eyebrows.

56) Ask Professor Lupin where babies come from...

57) ...and carry on bugging him when he refuses to say anything.

58) Dip Snape's toothbrush in the toilet.

59) Bring the Giant Squid as a date to the Yule Ball.

60) Use house elves as replacement bludgers.

61) Tell Professor Trelawney that she will die next week when a grand piano falls on her head...

62) ...find a grand piano and then attempt to actually drop it on her head.

63) Make dirty jokes about 'Moaning' Myrtle

64) Build up an army of rabid frogs...

65) ...and claim that together, they will take over the world.

66) Introduce Professor Trelawney to fortune cookies...

67) ...and bewitch every fortune to say 'beware the bunny in the neon pink tutu'...

68) ...and then dress up as _two _bunnies in neon pink tutus.

69) Ask Professor Lupin relentless irrelevant questions about werewolves...

70) ...such as how big their '_wands_' can get...

71) ...whether werewolves can be trained to play fetch...

72) ...whether 'werewolf style' is a lot different to 'doggy style'.

73) Tell first years there is a campsite in the Forbidden Forest and that _everybody _goes there.

74) Announce to the whole of Hogwarts that Professor Lupin is a werewolf slayer.

75) Give Snape a lion cub for his birthday.

76) Spread rumours about an illicit love affair between Harry and Snape...

77) ...and then loudly state that this gives a 'whole new meaning to detention and punishment'.

78) Tell the school that Snape is growing a fringe.

79) Beat Percy to death with a teddy bear.

80) Chase first years around the castle threatening to kill them with a spoon.

----

"I can't believe she expects us to listen to her! We don't need to listen to her! Why are we going to listen to her again, George?!"

"Because, Freddie dear, she is one _sca-a-a-ry _woman!"

"True... true... But then, if we do listen to her, we're not going to have _any _fun this year! This is supposed be our last year; we were supposed to go out with a BANG!"

"No worries. We can get through this! We can't give that party pooper we call our mother the satisfaction!"

"_How_?!"

"Well... she didn't say that we couldn't give Snape a _fully grown lion_, she only forbade us from giving him a _cub_..."

"...Likewise, she didn't say that we couldn't build up an army of say..._flobberworms_... instead of an army of frogs..."

"Exactly!"

"Genius, George, genius."

**_This will probably be the last list... 'cause I'm running out of inspiration LOL.  
I've done a 50 Things James Potter Is Not Allowed To Do and a 50 Things Sirius Black Is Not Allowed To Do (but the Sirius Black one contains mild slash. So if you don't like, DON'T READ. I consider you sufficiently warned). Have a look at 'em if you liked this!  
I hope you like this!  
Please leave me a review to lemme know what you think :)_**


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